Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love means never having to say Happy Valentine's Day!

When I started dating my husband, almost thirteen years ago, I came to understand reasonably quickly that he was no romantic.   This was a little disconcerting to me because I was used to, and naturally drawn to, players. Boys who knew just what to say; how to make me feel desirable and special.  Boys who almost certainly said the exact same things to many girls before me & after me.  What was different about Filip was that, every now and then, he would come out with things that would just blow me away.  He would just say what he was thinking and it would be so beautiful because it was spontaneous and heartfelt.  And not aimed at scoring brownie points.

That is how I define true romance.  Not necessarily, gestures that aren't gestures, merely actions and words.  After all, it is nice knowing that someone is purposefully trying to make you smile.  But I see romance in spontaneity, in originality, in the little things that say "Your happiness is important to me".  The little things that say "I know you."

To me, Valentine's Day is the antithesis to all that.  It is commercial, generic, insincere, lazy and a farce.  And I think it awful that men be bullied into it & women brainwashed to feel that this is the day than men show them how much they love them.  They show us everyday.  You just have to pay attention.  Discounted chocolates and obscenely priced roses mean nothing.  While they might not dare to say it out loud, I'm pretty sure most men hate Valentine's Day.  I know single women do.  Any decent restaurant hates being fully-booked with tables of two, that traditionally don't spend very much and tip even worse.  To those who cherish this day, please don't see this as an attack.  It's not.  What I'm saying is you are worth so much more than pre-packaged sentiment.  And so is he.

As the years went by, our relationship and our feelings for each other have gotten a lot more complicated & Filip has learned to play the game more. He now says things to deliberately flatter me, and to wind me up.  But he remains a genuine, open-minded person with a big heart who loves me for who I am, even though I drive him crazy.  I'm a very lucky girl, all year round.

6 comments:

  1. LOvely post Angeline, and I agree fully! Yes, I hate Valentine's day. It is a rip-off. I had a particularly bad Valentine's day once - we argued the day before, weren't getting along - but I felt I "had to make the effort and get her flowers" because everyone else was! Awful - she didn't appreciate the gift I didn't want to give. Your hubby is like me as it happens! Overtly romantic gestures from men are, more often than not, seen as crawling by straight-thinking women. As you say of your hubby, a spontaneous heart-felt word, or even a look, is so much nicer :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, that makes my point beautifully that someone like yourself hates Valentine's Day. A true romantic and a true individual!

      Delete
  2. This Valentine's day I have signed my divorce. It is life, I think. Hard days, winter days but I am waiting for the sun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is so sad, the end of a marriage. My heart goes out to you. Long distance couldn't have helped. May your next relationship be a lot easier

      Delete
  3. This Valentines Day, I was in Akl whilst my husband was in Wellington. We've never bought into it. I had spent the day assisting casting and went for a working dinner with the producer of these children's theatre tours (that I performed in for three years) and we went to a Thai restaurant. They thought we were a couple. My husband thought, sweet deal, when I sent through the photos of my heart shaped rice and FREE dessert with chocolate hearts. Booya.

    ReplyDelete