Monday, December 31, 2012

Ooh, Shiny!

So tonight's going to be a quiet one.  Which, to be honest, is the way I prefer it.  I've always kinda resented New Year's Eve.  Unless I was bartending, I liked to decide for myself how and when my night ended, no matter what the date.  But staying home, or having a quiet night with friends on New Year's Eve never really seemed an option before & going out was usually super lame and expensive.  I've partied past midnight countless times but New Year's often seemed more like an endurance test than a genuinely good time.  Plus I hated being hungover on New Year's Day. And I love New Year's Day.  The hope, the promise, the sheen.

My resolutions are more specific this year.  No fast food takeaways.  Only free range chicken, eggs and pork, even when eating out.  That one is not going to easy because I fucking love KFC.  Going to be insanely difficult if I do succeed at getting pregnant.  Brushing my teeth twice a day.  Gross, I know, but I can get a bit lazy.  Removing makeup before I go to bed. That's a bit of an ongoing battle but maybe this year I'll win.  Losing my mummy tummy.  Unless the obvious happens, of course.  Cleaning the bathroom once a week.  Another gross peek into my lazy hygiene, I apologise.  Less daytime TV.  Be less irritated by the dog.  Might try pretending that every day is her birthday again.  That worked for awhile after her actual birthday. More play dates for Levi.  New mother has moved into our street who seems more my speed.  Would be nice to have more kids to invite to his second birthday party though I won't feel rejected on his behalf until he's three. No Coke or Pepsi.  OK, shit just got real.  Things are getting out of hand so I better wrap this up.

What about Levi?  He's doing great.  Fussy eater and way clingier than he ever used to be but those things will resolve themselves.  I resolve to be more mindful that he understands more now & will continue to understand even more.  I will try not to bitch about people around him.  To be more careful what he's absorbing on TV or through music.  To mind my language. To be nicer to the dog.  She really is crazy annoying.  I will try to be less boring and lazy around him.  To try to keep things fresh and exciting for him.  Doesn't take money though it certainly helps.

Sorry if this blog post is a bit boring but my world's become a bit small; though I don't know exactly how much of that can actually be blamed on having a baby, to be fair.  I'm going to try and engage more with the outside world next year. Try to make new friends and not bother with the ones that didn't really work out.  Try to do more things as Levi is capable of doing and understanding more. Watching him witness, comprehend and participate is such an honour.  And hopefully he will help me to shake some of the despair, fatigue and disappointment I have with the world.  Here's to 2013!

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